How to overcome fear of regret when decluttering
You open your overstuffed closet, ready to reduce your wardrobe. Or you open your kitchen cupboard, ready to clear out some dishes so everything will fit. Or you open your storage room, ready to purge things you don’t need any more.
You gaze over your things, maybe even take a couple things out and turn them over in your hand, but then everything suddenly seems useful, valuable, sparks joy…and you shove everything back in and end up with one stained sweater or a small chipped glass in the donate box that you planned to fill. And your closet, cupboard or storage room is still overstuffed and bursting at the seams. You barely made a dent because you can’t part with anything, and now you feel like a failure.
What can you do when you can’t seem to get rid of anything for fear that you’ll regret it? Don’t give up! Here are six tips that can help you move forward and make real progress.
- Start with the easy things. Don’t start with sentimental items; start with an easy space (for example, the bathroom or a storage closet). First, look for trash: things that are broken, stained, expired, don’t fit, or are just plain trash. There are probably several things you can just throw out because they’re not usable. Put them in a trash bag right away, and your space will improve, even if very slightly. But that slight bit can help you feel that you’re making progress and you’ll gain momentum.
- Analyze why you think you might regret getting rid of it. Is it something you used and loved in the past? Is it something you’d like to use in the future? Make the decision to live in the present, not in the past or in the fantasy future. You may have illusions of what you’d like to do or be someday, but cross that bridge when you come to it. If it’s taking up space and not serving your life now, it’s better to let it go. Give yourself permission to replace it if you actually do need it in the future.
- Think of the benefits of getting rid of it. You’ll have more space for the things you really need and love. You’ll have visual peace. You’ll eliminate the hidden guilt of owning something you don’t use. You won’t have to clean, maintain or store it. Getting rid of it and feeling more peaceful is worth more than keeping it and letting it create more stress in your life.
- Repurpose it or use it up. Do this only if you really have another use for it and you’ll do it right now. A cute jar could be used as a pencil holder on your desk, but only if you get rid of the one you’re using now. (But don’t save it to use “some day” or just move it to another place in your house and clutter up that space.) If you have special linens (sheets, towels, tablecloths, etc.) that you never use because they’re too good, take them out, use them, and enjoy them. They shouldn’t be closed in a closet or drawer to disintegrate without ever seeing the light of day. Use them and enjoy them until they’re worn out. That’s the best use you can give them.
- What’s the worst thing that could happen? Think of a solution if you do get rid of it and need it. Can you buy another? Give yourself permission to do so if you need to someday. Can you borrow or rent another one? That’s a great solution that won’t add clutter in the future. Maybe it was a gift and you’re afraid the giver will ask about it. This actually doesn’t happen often, but if it does, you can thank them for their thoughtfulness and tell them how much you liked it, but you couldn’t keep it. (Good friends will understand, especially if they know you’re struggling with too much stuff.)
- Take a picture and let it go. Sometimes all we need is a visual reminder, especially if it was something we used to treasure but no longer use.
- After you’ve decluttered an area, celebrate the uncrowded space you’ve created and congratulate yourself on your success! Even if it’s just one drawer or shelf, you took a giant step and got it done. Now keep that space decluttered and go back regularly to look at it and feel good about your accomplishment. That will help you keep your momentum as you move through other spaces in your home.
Getting rid of things takes time and practice. It’s a skill you can learn if you put your mind to it and don’t give up. You may not be able to declutter a lot on your first go round, but keep trying. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll see progress and be motivated to do more. Keep it up, a little every day.
Why not start right now? Start with something easy: go find some things that you can easily throw away. Then give yourself permission to declutter other things, and keep your momentum going. You got this!